Sunday, August 06, 2006

 

The 10 Pallywood Rules of Successful Filmmaking by Adnan Hajj

Our Middle East correspondent A.H. (which stand for Adnan Hajj, not what you thought) has put together the 10 essential rules of Arab Filmmaking.

Pallywood Rule #1: Give them reasons to hate the Jews.

The infidels hate the Jews just as we do. But it is not politically correct to do so in their country. So they need reasons to hate the Jews, no matter how thin this reasons are. Some time ago they believed that the Jews were using child-blood for baking the Passover-bread (and a lot of Arabs still do believe that). Today they believe that the Jews would deliberately bomb a house full of children, just for fun.

Pallywood Rule #2: Never mind if you get caught.
If it is later discovered that your photos were staged - never mind! The Infidel Media will just go on as if nothing happened. They would never say "Yesterday's headliner was all wrong - Israel are the good guys after all". (Remember Rule #1!) If you once make it into the evening news, that's it - no matter what is discovered later.

Pallywood Rule #3: Dead (or at least suffering) children prove everything.
No matter how what your cause is, the infidel's rationality switches off when there are children involved. If you even touch a child, you are the bad guy. So make the Jews touch and hurt our children. The infidels don't give a damn why the Jews are doing that. Even if the children had been throwing rocks before, it makes no difference to the infidels! (See Rule #1) Click here for proof.

Pallywood Rule #4: Trust the infidels´ motherly instincts.
You are free to say whatever you want. You can scream as loud as you want that it is your plan to kill them all. You can show that it says so in your Holy Book and that we have started doing this job on a daily basis. The infidels' media will still treat us like a beloved child that is going through a difficult phase. Yes, we have begun taking them out one by one - and the infidels think that it is because of our poverty and discrimination. We kill them and they have a bad conscience! (hahaha - stupid infidels!)

Pallywood Rule #5: Look stupid and aggressive.
You may look like an oriental version of the Ku Klux Klan licking too many toads, that's okay. The infidels will label it as diversity. It is quite advisable to hold a machine gun into the air and give it to your baby too! - the infidel will believe it to be sign of our suffering and desparation.

Pallywood Rule #6: Be one of them.
Our Brother Adnan Hajj is working for Reuters and in this position manipulates the Infidel Media (and they still believe it is the Jews controlling the media - hahaha, stupid infidels!) and even the UN. The glorious Ambassador of the Holy Taliban, Sayed Rahmatullah Hashemi got admitted to Yale University. Learn from these Holy Warriors! Be there, get accustomed with their ways and one day you can hijack their planes. They don't mind and in their view it would be politically incorrect to lock you out.

Pallywood Rule #7: It's only local.
Whatever bad happens within the Arab world, the infidels are eager to believe that is is only local and has nothing to do with arab culture at large. It is against the infidels´ world view to realize facts that something could be wrong with a culture per se. Believe it or not - you can even go to jail in the infidels´ countries for stating such a possibility (at least when it comes to cultures in the now, it is okay to say that about cultures that have vanished).

Pallywood Rule #8: It has nothing to do with Islam.
Whatever bad happens in the name of Islam, you can always claim it not to be the "real" Islam. Look: The Holy Quran both orders protection of the Jew and slaughtering of the Jew. Quote what is appropriate to win the discussion - the infidels are very, very eager to believe that Islam is a religion of Peace and the Prophet was not a warlord.

Pallywood Rule #9: Blood, lotsa blood.
A lot of infidels "can´t see blood". If you talk into the camera with a face full of blood your words will always ring true in their ears - no matter if you deserved that beating or it is only because your 5-o´clock-prayer was a tad too ferocious.

Pallywood Rule #10: Move On!
The Infidel Media has a attention span shorter than a ADD-child at Nascar. Give the Infidel Media new pictures every day. It is a big mistake to just try to get a job done right. If you give the Infidel Media the same stuff every day they will start to analyze you, and you don't want that! The hate to think! They even hate their own armies! (hahaha - stupid infidels!) Be smarter: Blow someone up here, put your own kids in the line of fire there, in short: do something different every day - and the Infidel Media will love you!

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